So a few months ago, the Sailor and I celebrated our first wedding anniversary! Which is crazy! It feels so short, but also like the appropriate amount of time. We have had so many ups and downs in just our first year. I think we've learned a lot about each other and ourselves, which just shows me that we have a hell of a lot more to learn ;)
So I thought I would compile a list of what I have learned over the last year. Here it goes:
1. A relationship cannot last on love alone
Love is wonderful and amazing and all things good. However, a marriage takes more than love to keep it together. It takes commitment, compromise, arguments, forgiveness and a whole bunch of other things.
2. Communication is always something to work on
I thought I was awesome at communication and the reason we didn't come together on some things was because the Sailor wasn't clear. And don't get me wrong, that has happened many times, but I've been guilty of it too. You can ALWAYS communicate more and better than you have before, so work on it!
3. You will fight and have to deal with uncomfortable talks
I will tell you right now that I hate conflict. As soon as a conversation starts getting tense, I start to shut down. I'd rather not tell someone how I feel rather than start an argument. Which is a terrible way to live, and my husband has worked with me/is still working with me on that. We dated long distance our whole relationship, so we rarely argued about anything since we were just so happy to see each other. The Sailor never knew how much I just did not want to talk about anything when a fight started breaking out until we got married and were stuck in a car together. I still get the urge to run away whenever we start having a heated argument, but I've been working hard to fix it so that we actually come to a compromise.
4. Habits that are cute in the beginning can be annoying later
Anything that you find kind of annoying or quirky about your significant other is only going to be amplified and done every day of your life for the rest of your life. There is nothing my husband does that would make me stop loving him, but he does get on my nerves sometimes, and I know that I definitely get on his.
5. You always have someone in your corner
Whether it's a bad day at work, a fight with a family member or some really horrible customer service representative, your spouse will be there for you to support you and help you out in any way that they can.
6. The good times will outweigh the bad
In just a year, we have certainly had plenty of good and bad times. You may be in some horrible fight or just having a bad week, but it will pass. I would rather have a bad day with the Sailor than a good day without him.
7. There are less chores for you to do
There are perks to being married! And chores are something you should both do, or at least agree upon beforehand. I do all of the laundry and baking and the Sailor does cooking and dishes. So far it's been working out pretty well.
8. You have to find ways to balance your spouse, family and friends
Even though you've been dating and engaged to your spouse, you are now committed to them for life and their needs should come before your family and friends. Especially since we live away from all of our family, it has definitely been a challenge.
9. Compromise when you can
I am the first one to admit that like doing things my way. It's comfortable and it's "right" to me. I have chosen a spouse who is as strong-willed as I am and also has my "my way or the highway" approach to some things. So when things come up like what color to paint a room or whether we should follow a recipe or just wing it, we disagree. However, it is ALWAYS good to listen to the other side and either compromise or maybe give their way/idea a try. No decision is worth causing a fight when you could have just compromised a bit.
10. I am still completely in love with him and wouldn’t be with anyone else
We have gone through SO much in the last year with the wedding, moving, underways, an almost-deployment and a reenlistment to shore duty, I can't imagine going through any of this with anyone else. Sure we fight and annoy each other, but at the end of the day, he's my person, and my love and admiration for him has only grown and will continue to grow each year. <3